Okay, I have not blogged over here in a long time. I have to tell you though, that as I am writing this there are mini fireworks going off in my fingertips – it just feels so good. This is a post about personal growth, which I feel I have been doing a lot of in the last few months.
Over the past few months, I have been away living life and trying my hand at new things. I have sold my studio, which I have been running for the past 7 years. Matt and I also decided to go on a new adventure and so, we are moving to Cape Town.
Now that I have sold my studio I am in the position where I get to choose what I want to do with my life. How lucky am I? I don’t think many people ever get that choice in life. And, I’m getting to make this choice a second time around. Matt has given me the amazing opportunity of being able to try different things this year and of being able to do a little soul searching to find out what I want to do.
Have I figured it out yet? NO! I don’t know what I want to do. I thought I wanted to help others write books. As amazing as that idea sounds and even though I have so much to say on the topic, I haven’t actually published anything myself.
So I decided to try go into online fitness and YouTube-ing (is that a word?). I really enjoyed making fitness videos. Actually, I just love making videos. I changed my fitness brand – twice, and I learnt a lot in the process too about myself and business. But when I lie in bed at night my heart yearns for something else. I think back to last year when I did NaNoWriMo and my fingers start to itch. I want to be typing. I want to be writing.
However, I truly feel that whatever I decide to do I need to be doing something meaningful. I want to leave a mark in this world and I need to figure out how exactly I am going to do that. I also want to be helping people in some way.
This is where my dilemma comes in:
In fitness, I know I can help people. I know that what I do and the workouts I create will help people (if they actually do them). I also know Fitness. I know what I’m talking about and I trust myself. So, I can teach what I know. I enjoy it. But I don’t see myself doing that and only that forever. Something feels missing.
I want to write, I have always dreamed of being a writer. Once I have published I can go back into helping other people write. For some reason, and this is probably just me being impatient, I feel that what I do must have an immediate impact. And writing won’t necessarily give me this immediate impact.
Right now, I feel lost and pretty selfish to feel this way too because I have the opportunity to start fresh and to do anything my heart desires. But I still don’t know what to do? Having the choice to be and do anything is easier said than done. So, for the next few weeks, I will be planning, drawing up pro’s & con’s lists, and dreaming up big dreams for myself. I will also be talking to the people that know me best and turning to my closest friends for advice.
In the end, this is a decision that only I can make and it’s a decision that feels extremely heavy weighted. I think that the only way I’m going to get passed it is by not over thinking, and rather by doing.