I changed the title of this blog post from “what the fuck is wrong with my child?” to the more appropriate “a noteB from a sleep deprived mommy”. Lesson: don’t write blog posts while sleep deprived at 5am after being up all night and knowing you have to wake up in an hour.
This is not a post where I give any form of advice. It’s simply a post about where I am right now and how I’m feeling particularly regarding sleep. I’m writing it so that another mommy reading this at 2am will know she’s not alone in the struggle for sleep.
What I do have to say is that I never thought I would be one of those people. One of those sleep deprived people that goes from comforting, to shouting, to begging and pleading all in one night.
I like my sleep. Can I tell you another secret? My daughter used to like her sleep too. My daughter was an amazing sleeper (which I’ve spoken about in a few blog posts) and all of a sudden she isn’t. In fact, she’s the exact opposite and the sleep situation in our house is becoming a dreaded subject. I don’t know what got into her all of a sudden but sleep seems to be something she only wants to do at 5 in the afternoon or 7 in the morning. WTF!!!!!!!
I’m frustrated and I feel like I will never have another full nights sleep again.
Again, I’ll say it. Don’t write blog posts at 5am. It’s kind of one and the same to drunk texting. Don’t do it. This post has been heavily toned down and edited before being published.
Another scenario closely relating to sleep deprivation is this: My husband rolls over after spending half the night with Lilah and wants to suddenly play me a song. I moan about his phone light and mumble something along the lines of wanting to sleep. “You’re no fun anymore he says”. This comes 30 minutes after he woke up screaming and shouting “Fucking child, what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!” And me saying “calm down, she’s slept longer than last night. I’ll go to her”.
The range of emotions we go through in one sleepless night is actually a joke. But, I can’t help but wonder what long term effect all this puts on our relationship. We’re frustrated and tired.
I hope that if you’re sleep deprived and reading this post at 2am inbetween googling “how to get your child to sleep” that at least you won’t feel alone anymore. Because at this point this is all I want to feel. Not alone. I want to feel like “this too shall pass”.
And instead of sleeping in my finally quiet house I’m writing this post so that maybe somewhere out there some other poor sleep deprived mother will know that she is not alone.